I art because I am

To me good art is something that is alive. Something that stirs one's soul or captures a particular moment. Something that looks like it should be breathing regardless of whether it is a still life or a statue or even a splattering of color. Obviously the life doesn't come from the subject, it comes from the perception of the artist.

I think I see myself as an artist the same way 5 year old might. It's not a mater of being good or bad as much as the fact that I create "art" and therefore I am an "artist". Art is a way of expressing myself, coping, having fun, and capturing things that capture my imagination. I know that has nothing to do with books, but since I enjoy both I've decided to share both.

I thought at first that colored pastel paper would be a difficult medium to work with simply because normally I draw on white papers using a pencil to draw in shadows and line.  With colored pastel paper some of the shadow is already in there and my job is to bring out the highlights and deeper shadows.  To my surprise I like it very much!  And I thought that for a first attempt at drawing something on my own it was pretty good.  (I once copied the work of a master in a drawing class, but that was only once and at least 4 years ago.)

I choose black and white pictures thinking that they would be easier to draw.

Art draw from pictures looks flat because, duh, you're drawing a 2D object.  To lessen this effect I try to imagine the actual image of what I'm drawing, and since I'm so familiar with one baby's face in particular, it's easier for me to picture the sparkle of wide-eyed innocence and the curve of soft, adorable cheeks of other babies in my mind.  It's still not quite the same, but better than just copying the image.

You may also notice that I drew everything twice, once on scraps of regular printer paper (courtesy of our local library) and then on pastel paper for the actual drawing.  I did this to avoid roughening up the pastel paper through repeated erasing and pencil indentation by becoming familiar with the picture and any trouble spots I might encounter.  I also drew a grid on top of the original paper and each drawing to increase my accuracy (i.e. erase less, it all comes back to being a little lazy and saving the paper :)

Here are my later attempts:

My favorite!

And, speaking of little ones . . .  I think someone just woke from a nap!

The Pregnancy Series: Prepregnancy

Books on pregnancy and babies are almost like books on food. You could read into infinity. Although at first I felt overwhelmed, now that I'm contemplating baby number 3 in the not too near future I love the options. It's like ice cream. Most of the time you might be fudge type of person but then one day you want a root beer float so you get vanilla and perhaps on another occasion you go with sorbet just for kicks. Each pregnancy has been different and that has come across not only in the baby and the birth but also in my reading.


How do we make a baby?
As anyone trying to have kids can testify, it's difficult to want something so badly and be able to do so little about it. While preparing for attempting child number one, I read  Get Ready to Get Pregnant by Michael C. Lu.  I can't completely recommend it since it came across a bit dogmatic. I also can't testify to the effectiveness of any books regarding fertility since that doesn't seem to be a problem for us. (Don't worry, we have plenty of other problems.) But what I loved about the book was how it gave some of the control back to me. I felt like I could do something about the outcome of trying to get pregnant and the physical well-being of our children. While I found the try and then wait game stressful, at least I felt like I was doing something to help things move along.

Wait, can we order that baby in blue?
For baby number two I really wanted a boy. Coming from a household of girls I desperately didn't want all girls.  Too much estrogen in one house can get . . .  exciting. We were only planning on having three kids so if the second wasn't a boy I already knew I would be stressing about the third child. One day I was talking to my aunt who said, "You know there are lots of things you can do to increase the odds of having a boy" "Really????"

I admit I was skeptical at first, but I checked How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby by Landrum B. Shettles out from the library and read it anyway. Apparently sperm for males swim faster and sperm females live longer and tolerate an acidic environment better. So according to Shettles, if you figure out when your ovulation occurs, time the intercourse right, and adjust a few other things you can increase the odds of having a boy or a girl. It made sense to me so I spent two months tracking my basal temperature and we gave it a shot. Nine months later VOILA! out popped Branden. He was even born the month that I wanted. I've also heard really good things about Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler and plan to read that before my next baby.

Special diet special baby?
At present I'm trying to figure out how to improve our diet as a family, and I bumped into  Deep Nutrition by Catherine and Luke Shanahan. I didn't find the entire book worth reading, but she did have some very interesting ideas. The first was her explanation of how diet drastically affects how our genes are expressed over multiple generations. This makes sense to me considering the wide range of health issues and allergies that seems to be growing rapidly in children. The other idea that resonated with me was the idea that while we are unaware of how malnourished we are it shows up in our children. For the first child a mother's body can takes nutrients from her for the baby but for later pregnancies, especially those close together, the body cannot provide the same level of nutrition and the baby is often just slightly less "beautiful" and thus healthy. Our first child is quite attractive and while our second is a darling he's just isn't as show stopping as his sister. They were born about two years apart (vs. the 3 to 4 years the book recommends.) Obviously there are a lot of other factors involved, but we're going to give the whole "make a baby with better epigenetic expression" a shot starting with our diet now. I still have a bit more exploration to do, but more on my foray into the world of "good diet" is coming up.

Staying Inspired, Effortless Success by Michael Neil

Sometimes as parents I feel like we get stuck in the day to day hamster wheel and after a while the joyful life seems to turn into a life of drudgery. Too keep myself inspired and help myself move forward as a person one of my many solutions is self-help, self-improvement or inspirational books. During any given month you'll find me listening on and off to some random audio book and sometimes YouTube videos (particularly ET's TGIM series). While improving my parenting and home making skills is not my goal in this, I find them deeply intertwined. As we learn to create our own successful lives, we can better help our children become their own unique brand of successful.

At the moment I'm listening to Effortless Success by Michael Neill courtesy of the amazing King County online library. I love it because it's easy to listen to in bits and pieces, a baby feeding here, a flossing my teeth there. It doesn't require a pen an pencil to jot down your current plan to change you life in 3 minutes, and I typically walk away with one or two interesting thoughts that I can share with my husband or chew on for a couple of hours or a couple of days.

The current thought I've been digesting is "What do you want? No. What do you really want?" This is a difficult question for me to answer because I'm not a particularly driven, passionate, this is my destiny I'm going to change the world type of person. I don't have an "I was born to do this."

After much thought I've decided there are a couple of things that I really, really want. I want to live my beliefs. I want raise a wonderful family. And I want to express myself as the creative, artistic person that I am. Nothing brilliant or earth shattering, but right now this what make me whole and complete.

This caused me to reflect on the thought that a woman's (or a man's :) song has many verses, and we are not intended to sing them all at once. Success seems to be less of an end goal and more of an constantly evolving, never perfect juggle where our physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual needs are mostly met. Sometimes one takes preeminence, sometimes one takes a backseat for a while, but none are denied. Yes I would like more sleep. No I don't get to be an artist nearly as much as I would like. But I've come to the conclusion that if you ask me "Are you living a successful life?" my answer is yes and I thank God daily for the ability to live such a life.

Confident Parents Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris M.S.Ed.

I recently started reading the book Confident Parents Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris M.S.Ed. Based on just the introduction and the first chapter it seems ok and has some good ideas.

There are two things that keep this book being amazing. First, I have to figure out what she's trying to convey instead of it being completely clear. For example she mentions several times that punishments are an inappropriate way of dealing with misbehavior but there should still be good discipline. The key to this is understanding that your children want to be "successful" and be good people and treat them that way. Ummm . . . so what you mean is that you treat them like they are essentially good kids trying as hard as they can, and although there should be consequences for bad behavior, your first step should be to try to discover how their situation is causing them to act out of character but you should never punish them. . . .

I agree with their desire to do good and inappropriate punishment having negative results, I do. But here's my second issue with her book: I think there's nothing wrong when kids sometimes act out of a desire to achieve rewards or avoid negative consequences. (Dallin H. Oaks explained motivations well in his article "Why do we serve?") I believe that our primary motivating factor should be love. Our children should treat their siblings kindly because they care about one another. They should study because they enjoy learning and growing. They should take care of their rooms and toys because they appreciate them and love their home. However, this perspective is a challenge for most full grown adults. This is the ideal. There's nothing wrong with using other motivating factors as we work towards the ideal.

Desire for reward, social approval, and avoiding punishment are arguably the most self centered reasons and not what we want our kids to ultimately seek, but they're kids. They're learning. At birth they are naturally completely self-centered. Babies don't even understand that there are persons besides themselves. So my toddler can choose between walking into the house or being carried into the house, and she'll often choose walking for perfectly selfish reasons. I'm ok with that. As they get older we encourage them to move towards better motivators such as a sense of duty, loyalty, and to obtain long term goals and benefits. We do chores because being part of a family means having responsibilities. We're not going to spend money on fancy shoes because we want to go to Disney Land next year. And woven throughout all of that is the message that because of love we want what's best for you and what's best for our family. Love motivates us to do what's best and what's right. But if in the not to distant future Hana 's chooses to sit in her chair because otherwise Daddy will pin her to the chair, well, that's life.

Simplicity Parenting Applied, Part 3: The Rhythm of Routine

In my mind routines and schedules have often meant a twisted combination of boring predictability and uncomfortable constraint. Simplicity Parenting has changed my perspective. I loved Dr. Payne's description of life as a tune with the rhythm of routine and the  melody of schedule being played out in infinite variations. Without the background melody the symphony of life tends to descend into cacophony. A beautiful metaphor, but when it came to application I found myself struggling. We have routines, we do, but there was (and still is) room for improvement. So I do what I do when faced with any problem requiring pondering. I pulled out a post it note (or several notes), made a list, and tweaked it over a period of almost a month. I confess I'm still tweaking, but I doubt a polished, finished schedule and routine list is what Dr. Payne had in mind anyway.

Rhythms for infants and young children are like magic. The first time my daughter smiled was actually during her bedtime routine. It felt like she "got it" and was thrilled to know what was happening. (She wasn't much for smiles when she was an infant so this was a BIG deal.) When there's a routine you don't have to explain everything anew, "going through the motions" requires less energy, and shifting gears moves more smoothly. Almost like driving. In the beginning there seem to be a million different things to keep track of and then after a while you begin to do things automatically.

First there's the day. What happens when we wake up? What happens after breakfast? When we walk out the door? What happens before we take a nap? If it's repeated it can become more rhythmic. My goal is consistency. Now after breakfast there's a potty break, teeth brushing, hair tying, a 5 minute clean up, and book reading. Hana argues less about brushing her teeth and even 5 month old Branden understands that he's going to be playing in his rocker for a set amount of time.

Next there's the week. My goal was to distinguish each day from the next. Of course the kids don't have the days sorted out in their heads, but when I say Tuesday Hana says story time. That makes Tuesday Tuesday. We're still learning the other days. Sunday is church. Monday is Walker Family Home Evening. Wednesday Mommy has Tai Chi. Thursday brings the garbage truck. Friday is Zumba (sometimes). Saturday is pancakes (also sometimes). Our very imperfect song of the week is starting to come together. It's strangely comforting. Predictable.

Then there's the months and seasons. I'm still working on extending rhythm concept throughout the year with traditions for holidays, birthdays, and changes in seasons. I think the most memorable, favorite aspects of holidays are the ones lived over and over and over. Carving pumpkins. Hanging ornaments on the tree. Coloring rocks at the start of spring. Barbeques on the Fourth of July. Beautiful. (Btw, Meg Cox wrote a wonderful book on this entitled The Book of New Family Traditions.)

There are of course exceptions, changes, and unplanned spit-ups, but with a little bit of transparency and flexibility we seem to able to jump most of the hurdles with ease and often a smile. Dr. Payne emphasized the need to help children create visual images of what will happen and this is definitely essential for young children.

There also needs to be balance. Moments of release to talk, play, and relax. Calm days to detox after busy ones. The messiness of free play along side the order of organized activities. With all of the emphasis on organized athletics at younger and younger ages I thought Dr. Payne gave a timely reminder. He stated that the "messiness of free play, with its many changes and possibilities mirrors life and builds an inner flexibility." Truly in life there are no referees, team uniforms, and clear cut rules of play. There are few things that can better prepare us for the game of life than the spur of the moment, made up children's games.

Having a "melody" for the family protects the family. Routines and rituals help us bounce back more quickly from life's unexpected storms. Traditions tie us together. Weekly patterns help us recognize more quickly what stresses threaten to overwhelm us. Having a plan helps us cope with the unplanned. I've come to realize that far from restraining us routines and rhythms seem to loosen the stress that often ties us down, provide comfort, and give us the predictability necessary to enjoy the new and unexpected.

Simplicity Parenting Applied, Part 2: The Simplified Environment

A big "DO THIS" in Simplicity Parenting is to simplify the child's environment. So I did.

Before

 After

I cleared out two reusable grocery bags of books and more than two garbage bags full of toys.  Some of the hand-me-down toys had simply been through too many hands. A couple of the puzzles purchased by eager grandparents for preschoolers are stored away until the kids are older. Two dolls remain out instead of 5. The talking Elmo and Lilly are packed away for the moment. (Hana never played with her talking toys as much she did with her simpler, more adaptable toys anyway.) I was always skeptical of the "Baby Einstein" sales pitch so there weren't any of those "educational" toys to throw out. And the fragile yet obnoxious sounding birthday gift that didn't have an off button? Not in our play yard- I have my sanity to consider.

According to Dr. Payne, too many toys cause children to become overwhelmed and emotionally disconnect from toys and play. There weren't very many recommendations with numbers so I made those up. I stashed two or three items in each cubby, less than 10 books in the plastic container, and 5 items per drawer. It felt barren, but Hana seems to find plenty to play with. Most of the toys are now in the garage in the circulating toy stash, but some of them have left the Walker household to explore green pastures and more distant vistas.

It's a strange equation, but less toys = more time enjoying toys. Originally I thought we hadn't done too bad in creating Hana's play area given our resources and limitations, but I definitely witnessed a shift in her play after cleaning up and clearing out her area. There was more depth and suddenly forgotten toys triggered new adventures.  In one cubby there was just a ball and two mats, but she dragged those mats all over the place for a myriad of activities I never anticipated. She also hasn't really missed the fancy stuff I thought she'd miss like her "laptop". Of course that might be because she still has her cell phone . . .

There are a few other bonus as well. Less toys mean faster cleanup. Less clean up also means that Hana's not overwhelmed by the mess and can take more responsibility for picking up her toys. Since she becomes more involved in her play for longer periods of time, I have a bigger block of time to handle other things, like dinner and laundry. Less mess, more time, happier child . . . what more can a mother ask for?

Of course we're not quite done yet. I have a list of things to get over the upcoming year since our budget is too small to fit them all at once. Dr. Payne explained that echoes from bare floors and walls can confuse young children, and I hope to buy some more rugs. Shoe containers from Ikea with the drawers that pull down at an angle might be useful for books (that's not something Dr. Payne recommended, I just think it might be a good solution for us). Another toy storage unit to replace the cardboard boxes from Costco will also be appreciated, but that's a bit pricy at the moment.

A few last thoughts from of Dr. Payne:
     - Some toys are "worth more play" than others, toys that allow for building, imagination, social interaction and engage the sense of touch are wonderful additions
     - Sometimes it's a good idea to simplify the clothes and their organization so that there are less choices and the transitions between outfits and activities can go more smoothly
     -  Scents and lights are another area for simplification and a candle at a specific time or occasion can add something magical

Do I sense a train set and a closet reorganization in the near future? Maybe . . . .

Simplicity Parenting Applied, Part 1: The Soul Fever

Reading the first part in Simplicity Parenting  resonated and coincided with Branden's birth. Our daughter Hana is a wonderful toddler, but this experience rocked her world. As a friend of mine recently put it, how would you feel if your husband brought home another wife?

I'd often viewed myself as the food bringer, clothes changer, and potty trainer, but when push came to shove she would prefer Daddy. When Branden came the biggest sign that something was wrong with Hana was how desperately she missed and wanted to be with me. I felt flattered but frustrated because Branden's needs were often more urgent. She was nice to the baby, but her fussiness and meltdowns escalated dramatically, and some days I felt that my terrific toddler had permanently morphed into a troublesome two year old.

Dr. Payne describes this as "soul fever". Life has knocked something within the child out of balance and he or she begins to misbehave or take former quirks to extremes. I perceived this instinctively but wasn't able to see it fully or respond effectively. He makes the following suggestions.
 

• Suspend normal routines and take a break from life so they can recover their equilibrium
• Hold them close physically and emotionally
• Give them time to recover, recovery is a natural process
• Look at them with love to see who they are beyond current challenges

The last step was actually my first step. I would get so frustrated that I forgot that this wasn't who Hana was or wanted to be, her misbehavior was merely the result of her circumstances. If I wanted my sunny, smiling daughter back, I was the one who needed to make adjustments. 

So adjustments were made. I couldn't keep up the same pace and give them both the care they needed, so we cut back. We ate more pizza's and Wendy's, and I didn't make it to the gym for quite a while. Hana's needs were no longer subjected to Branden's but both were given equal weight. Sometimes this meant that Branden sat in the swing or was left fussing while I helped Hana. I learned to trust that although I couldn't meet all their demands, my best would be enough to meet all their needs. Gradually Hana came to trust that I love and value both her and her brother. Both are precious to me.

Hana did not do a 180 overnight. Change happened gradually for all of us as we found our rhythm again and returned to our ever changing but happy, normal selves. I wish that I had read Dr. Payne's book earlier, but as it was his words of understanding and advice were exactly what I needed to help Hana and myself take the final steps to complete recovery from her "soul fever".

Families are Forever If I Can Just Get Through Today

An interesting read.

I often ask my favorite moms if they have any books that they recommend. This is one that my best friend Rachel recommended. She said it wasn't a how to book, but she picked up a couple of things from it and enjoyed seeing how another mother lived. I agree.

I should skim through it again to refresh my memory, but here's my impression 3 years later :) My main thought was "if she can succeed with twins and triplets then I can definitely survive one". I think her rules for when kids should sleep through the night goes against the AAP's recommendation, she's clearly Mormon and most people would never have so many kids, but I liked it. Don't go out and buy it, but if it's at the library or a friend happens to have it you might consider reading it.

That said, there were two things I learned, loved, and live: kids can sit still and schedule flexibility.

Janice Weinheimer taught all her kids to sit still for an hour at the age of one. Yeah, "WhAT?!" But I figured, hey, she did it with all her kids, I'll give it a shot. And it worked. Seriously. I couldn't do 12 months, it just seemed so young. (I have a hard time sitting still that long and I'm 28.) But at 14 months we started sitting on the floor 3-4 times a week with just Mommy, Hana and one toy. She did it everyday with no toys, but that just seemed too mean. At first I felt like a sadistic, torturing beast of a parent. She would cry and scream and try to escape for the entire 15-20 minutes, but after a few times she magically calmed down. She still didn't like it, but we were consistent and she knew what to expect. Eventually we hit that hour mark and limited our sessions to once or twice a week for a month before stopping all together.

Patience is a learned skill, and after watching Hana I've come to feel that as parents we often do our kids a disservice by not teaching them how to simply wait. The ability to sit without needing to be entertained is a wonderful life skill.

I have yet to see another baby sit through an hour long church meeting without any toys, but Hana does it every week. It's AMAZING. Rob and I actually get to listen to the speakers instead of drawing pictures for her or helping her with an I pad. I pack a drink and sometimes a snack if I know that she'll be hungry, but I don't need to bring an entire playroom. Every once in a while she needs to be reminded that she can either sit by herself or sit with help and much less mobility, but overall we're successful.

The second thing I learned was that she did many things when she had a desire to do them and this helped her get a lot done. If she wanted to spend a day baking then she made enough loaves to last 3 weeks. If she felt like sewing then she got all the Halloween costumes out of the way in just a day. I used to try to do a little bit of everything everyday. I now have a weekly to do list, but it's flexible. If I really don't feel like cleaning a toilet then I spend whatever free time I have working on my current art project or reading a book. Then if I feel like cleaning I CLEAN and normally that means that I get all the chores for the week done in a day or two. This not only means that I have the will power to get things done, but that I'm focused on just one or two additional things each day and that focus can be very powerful.



I couldn't find a website for Janice Weinheimer, but you can read a brief bio here.
Order at Amazon.com
(Except I'm not really recommending ordering it.)

The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I actually read this after Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, so the "sleep is good" information felt a bit redundant, and I don't agree with all her advice, but WHY ISN'T THE 90 MINUTE ADVICE IN EVERY BABY BOOK EVER????!!!!!

The basic idea is that humans have a 90 minute awake cycle. So counting from the time we wake up at the end of every 90 minutes we have a slight dip in energy and might even feel sleepy. In babies this is super pronounced since they sleep more often. For Branden (3 months right now) every time he wakes I just need to glance at the clock, add 90 minutes and viola! 75% of the time that's when he'll nap next. The other 25% of the time I wasn't sure when he woke up, he took a cat nap which throws him off, he wants to stay up another 90 minutes, etc. Don't get me wrong, knowing this didn't stop him from crying for 3 hours before falling asleep at 2 AM, but it's soooo useful. (I did my best to get him to stop crying, but, well, obviously I'm still working on that.)

This worked great for his big sister Hana too. She was a mystery baby because she never got red eyed or even very fussy before she became over tired so this was invaluable. When she was very, very young she would frequently stay up for just 45 minutes (coincidentally half of 90 minutes, don't ask me for a scientific explanation, that's just what she did.)  As she got older the time would increase and she would stay up for 3 hours, take a morning nap, stay up for another 3 or 4.5 hours before her afternoon nap, then wake up for another 90 minutes or 3 hours before falling asleep for the night.

It's a little book, and it's not really full of information (a pamphlet might have sufficed), and you shouldn't expect miracles, but I use it every day.


Dr. Moore's website is http://www.pollymoore.com/ (not very interesting)
Order from Amazon

Simplicity Parenting

LOVE LOVE LOVE

There is a need to protect our kids from the overwhelming "too much". Have you ever tried cleaning a room and that left you slightly paralyzed just by looking at it? Apparently kids can feel the same way about life too, but by good stuff like toys, activities, and media.

When I was growing up we were probably the classic hectic family with super-chauffeur mom. My mother loved us a lot. She wanted us to sample everything and be "well rounded" people. I remember doing piano, chorus, and violin. I did swimming for several years and went on to sample cross country and soccer in addition to playing basketball at church. We had weekly youth meetings at church and early morning seminary during high school. I did math club, Science Olympiad, and Beta Club. I remember lettering in orchestra and taking an after school SAT class. Down time was unproductive time, and I was left with the impression that if I wasn't busy and tired most of the time I wasn't living up to my potential.

For me reading this book was liking taking a breath that relaxed my soul. This is life worth living. I want this. I want bulwarks in the day like prayers and night time rituals. I want to know there will be room to breathe and just be. I want to become immersed in something fun, regularly. I want traditions that happened every year along with the leaves falling from the trees, frost glittering on the asphalt, and the crisp herald of spring in the air. I want a home where stuff and space and life can live in harmony. Just the thought of such a life warms an unnamed part of me that has been seeking something for a long time.

Dr. Payne's webpage is www.simplicityparenting.com
Order from Amazon

This is the blog that I couldn't find.

There are so many blogs about books that I thought it wouldn't be difficult to find one devoted to parenting books, but I haven't found one yet so I decided to create my own. I've loved reading parenting books ever since I started the quest to expand our two person family. I'm always seeking to live life just a little better and raising kids is such a wonderfully dynamic thing that there's always something I can adjust, add, eliminate, or emphasize in my quest to help my children grow. There are so many amazing parents out there to learn from and so much research to help us understand children and parenting better. Parenting is FUN, and I LOVE PARENTING BOOKS.

Books Reviewed

The 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly More P.H.D. 

Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris M.S.Ed.

Families Are Forever . . . if I can just get through today by Janice Madsen Weinheimer

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne M.Ed.

          Simplicity Parenting Applied Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Effortless Success by Mechael Neill