Simplicity Parenting Applied, Part 3: The Rhythm of Routine

In my mind routines and schedules have often meant a twisted combination of boring predictability and uncomfortable constraint. Simplicity Parenting has changed my perspective. I loved Dr. Payne's description of life as a tune with the rhythm of routine and the  melody of schedule being played out in infinite variations. Without the background melody the symphony of life tends to descend into cacophony. A beautiful metaphor, but when it came to application I found myself struggling. We have routines, we do, but there was (and still is) room for improvement. So I do what I do when faced with any problem requiring pondering. I pulled out a post it note (or several notes), made a list, and tweaked it over a period of almost a month. I confess I'm still tweaking, but I doubt a polished, finished schedule and routine list is what Dr. Payne had in mind anyway.

Rhythms for infants and young children are like magic. The first time my daughter smiled was actually during her bedtime routine. It felt like she "got it" and was thrilled to know what was happening. (She wasn't much for smiles when she was an infant so this was a BIG deal.) When there's a routine you don't have to explain everything anew, "going through the motions" requires less energy, and shifting gears moves more smoothly. Almost like driving. In the beginning there seem to be a million different things to keep track of and then after a while you begin to do things automatically.

First there's the day. What happens when we wake up? What happens after breakfast? When we walk out the door? What happens before we take a nap? If it's repeated it can become more rhythmic. My goal is consistency. Now after breakfast there's a potty break, teeth brushing, hair tying, a 5 minute clean up, and book reading. Hana argues less about brushing her teeth and even 5 month old Branden understands that he's going to be playing in his rocker for a set amount of time.

Next there's the week. My goal was to distinguish each day from the next. Of course the kids don't have the days sorted out in their heads, but when I say Tuesday Hana says story time. That makes Tuesday Tuesday. We're still learning the other days. Sunday is church. Monday is Walker Family Home Evening. Wednesday Mommy has Tai Chi. Thursday brings the garbage truck. Friday is Zumba (sometimes). Saturday is pancakes (also sometimes). Our very imperfect song of the week is starting to come together. It's strangely comforting. Predictable.

Then there's the months and seasons. I'm still working on extending rhythm concept throughout the year with traditions for holidays, birthdays, and changes in seasons. I think the most memorable, favorite aspects of holidays are the ones lived over and over and over. Carving pumpkins. Hanging ornaments on the tree. Coloring rocks at the start of spring. Barbeques on the Fourth of July. Beautiful. (Btw, Meg Cox wrote a wonderful book on this entitled The Book of New Family Traditions.)

There are of course exceptions, changes, and unplanned spit-ups, but with a little bit of transparency and flexibility we seem to able to jump most of the hurdles with ease and often a smile. Dr. Payne emphasized the need to help children create visual images of what will happen and this is definitely essential for young children.

There also needs to be balance. Moments of release to talk, play, and relax. Calm days to detox after busy ones. The messiness of free play along side the order of organized activities. With all of the emphasis on organized athletics at younger and younger ages I thought Dr. Payne gave a timely reminder. He stated that the "messiness of free play, with its many changes and possibilities mirrors life and builds an inner flexibility." Truly in life there are no referees, team uniforms, and clear cut rules of play. There are few things that can better prepare us for the game of life than the spur of the moment, made up children's games.

Having a "melody" for the family protects the family. Routines and rituals help us bounce back more quickly from life's unexpected storms. Traditions tie us together. Weekly patterns help us recognize more quickly what stresses threaten to overwhelm us. Having a plan helps us cope with the unplanned. I've come to realize that far from restraining us routines and rhythms seem to loosen the stress that often ties us down, provide comfort, and give us the predictability necessary to enjoy the new and unexpected.